A Mario Christmas
by ThE HaRvEsTeR
Summary: It's Christmas Eve and Baby Mario wants to see Santa for Christmas. Mario and his friends know Santa isn't real, but what can they do to make Baby Mario's Christmas the best ever?


It was Christmas Eve and Mario was in his house, with his other friends sleeping over. He was trying to put Baby Mario to bed but the baby wouldn't cooperate. Just then, Luigi came in the room.  
  
"Still trying to put your baby clone in bed?" Luigi said.  
  
"He's not my clone, he's my uncle's daughter's son who they named after me and they want me to, for some odd reason, take care of him," Mario explained. "And it's very hard to put Baby Mario to bed, mind you."  
  
"Why don't you just leave the room and let him be?" Luigi suggested. "Seriously, bro, you're an idiot sometimes."  
  
"I can't, he'll start crying and chant repeatedly, 'Santa Claus is real! Santa Claus is real!' What do I do?!?!" Mario groaned and dropped to his knees.  
  
"Tell the brat that Santa Claus isn't real then give him a good spanking," Luigi said.  
  
"I know Santa is real! I just know it!" Baby Mario interrupted.  
  
Luigi sighed. "It happens to everyone.. they have a child who believes in Santa.. it'll wear off, some kid at preschool will tell your uncle's daughter's son that Santa is some old myth."  
  
"I bet everyone at preschool believes the fatass, too," Mario said.  
  
Then Wario walked into the room without his shoes on, and this made the baby room stink up.  
  
"God, Wario! Clean your socks sometime!" Mario cried, holding his nose.  
  
"Shaddup, you dingaling," Wario ordered. "Anyways, Peach is just about to start Twister! Don't you morons want to play?"  
  
"We can't," Luigi said. "We have to put The Brat to bed."  
  
"Who cares about Baby Mario?! Just come on! Isn't it your guys' favorite game?" Wario said.  
  
"We want to play, Wario, but Baby Mario here believes in Santa and he wants Santa to bring him gifts tonight," said Mario.  
  
"Well, why is he worried about it now? It's only 6pm," Wario said.  
  
"Haha! Well, your dumbass anorexic stick of a friend Waluigi told Baby Mario that Santa wasn't real," Mario said.  
  
"That's because it's true," Wario argued.  
  
"I know that Santa isn't real, but Baby Mario will be so disappointed if he doesn't see Santa, and he'll be so sad for the next few days. He'll become the crabbiest baby and make us all miserable," said Mario.  
  
Wario laughed. "That sucks for you two, not us. We don't live here, and you'll have to deal with The Brat's whining!"  
  
"But I want to see Baby Mario happy on Christmas morning," Mario said softly.  
  
"Wow! I've never seen you so worked up to make your uncle's daughter's son happy!" Wario laughed. "I admire you sometimes, Mario."  
  
Suddenly, a lightbulb popped up above Luigi's head. Luigi looked from the door, to Baby Mario, to Mario, to Wario. "I have an idea," Luigi said. He led Mario and Wario out of the baby room to the bathroom and closed the door.  
  
"What's your bright idea now? And why does it involve me?" Wario wondered.  
  
"I know what we can do.. we can make Santa appear tonight with gifts.." Luigi said.  
  
"Great idea!" Mario exclaimed. "We'll hire someone to be Santa!"  
  
"No, no, no. This is a cheaper and more fun way to have a Santa tonight," Luigi said. He looked at Wario viciously.  
  
"Oh no you don't, I am not going to, I repeat, not going to be Santa for the little arse!" Wario snarled.  
  
"Please, Wario? You're the fattest one in the house, no offense, and you look like Santa in a way," Luigi said.  
  
"Get Donkey Kong, get Daisy, I don't care if you have to get the abominable snowman, just get someone else besides me! I'm not even jolly enough to be Santa Claus!" Wario griped.  
  
"We'll make you jolly enough," Mario said.  
  
"I just want to play Twister, not act as Santa Claus for some kid! Please please please please PLEASE!" Wario begged.  
  
"Sorry, no can-do, you're Santa Claus for Baby Mario whether you like it, or not," Luigi said. "Now, I think I have an old Santa costume in the basement from my high school play.."  
  
"Wait a minute," Wario said. "If I'm going to be Santa, then I want to get paid for it at least."  
  
"How's about 5 coins?" Mario suggested.  
  
"No, I mean big bucks," said Wario.  
  
"Ten coins?" Luigi suggested.  
  
"Three-hundred coins at least," Wario said. "This is a big job for a big man like me, and if I'm going to do it, I want to get paid big, or no deal."  
  
Luigi sighed. "I have a chest of coins in my room. I was saving the money for a brand new 56 inch widescreen television for the living room, but I guess I'll give the money to you."  
  
"Thank you, Luigi!" Wario said, not even feeling a little sorry for Luigi. "You've got yourself a deal."  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
"Where's Mario, Luigi and Wario?" Peach wondered. "Wario hasn't returned from getting them. I wonder if they're still trying to put the baby to bed."  
  
"Ah, forget them," Yoshi said. "Just remember that we're having fun, and they're not!"  
  
"They're not in Baby Mario's room," said Daisy, who just returned from seeing if they were in Baby Mario's room.  
  
"Funny, where could they be?" Donkey Kong said.  
  
"Dinner's going to be ready any minute now, and if those three boneheads don't return, we're eating all the roast beef," Toad said.  
  
"And who's making our dinner?" Waluigi asked.  
  
"Bowser," Toad replied.  
  
"Bowser couldn't cook even if the stove hit him on the head. Hell, that idiot couldn't find his ass from a hole in the ground," Waluigi said.  
  
"Let's just hope those cooking lessons paid off," Yoshi sighed.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Meanwhile in the basement, Luigi searched through some stuff to find his old Santa costume from the 12th grade Christmas play he had in high school.  
  
"It probably won't fit him, Luigi," Mario said. "Why don't we just go buy one?"  
  
"And how will we do that? We can't just go through the door and say, 'We're going to go buy a Santa costume to surprise Baby Mario!' This is a surprise for all and no one shall know," Luigi said.  
  
"Oh and by the way guys," Wario said, "You better keep this secret between the three of us, because if any one else finds out that I'm Santa, there'll be hell around here."  
  
"Yes, of course Wario," Mario said. "Ok, anyways, we can just sneak out the window and buy one. It won't be hard."  
  
"I'm hungry for some roast beef," Wario randomly said.  
  
"We can't buy one, anyways, Mario.. they might be all sold out by now, I mean, it's Christmas Eve," Luigi said. "Christmas is such a busy time of year."  
  
"I wish we were Jewish," Wario grumbled. "Ahem, anyways, I have an idea. Let's steal one from one of those Santa guys in the mall. The mall isn't far from here, and I can beat that Santa impersonator real good and steal his costume."  
  
"Wouldn't that be stealing?" Mario stupidly said.  
  
"No shit sherlock," Wario sighed. "But it's our only chance."  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
It took a while to convince Mario and Luigi to go along with Wario's brilliant plan. This plan would take all night to do. They had to get to the mall before closing time, steal Santa's costume without getting in trouble which would be very hard to do, dress in it, and practice some lines before going down the chimney. They wouldn't have time to get back home and eat, and before then, everyone would be worried. For Luigi and Mario, anyways. No one cared about Wario really except for Bowser and Waluigi.  
  
Hoo ha.  
  
"This place is packed," Wario said with a loud gasp.  
  
"We can't stop now," Mario said. "I want to make this Baby Mario's best Christmas ever."  
  
"Speaking of a best X-mas ever, what does the twirp want for Christmas? GI Joe, Barney, what?" Wario asked.  
  
"He doesn't want anything except to see Santa," Luigi said.  
  
The trio pushed through crowds of people. Wario was running over people, Mario was pushing them, and Luigi elbowed his way through. They finally saw the Santa guy, sitting in a huge chair, with a little girl in his lap.  
  
"The line is long," Luigi said, studying the long line of kids who are waiting to see Santa.  
  
"Screw the line," Wario said. "In order to get that costume, we'll have to sneak attack, and I have a brilliant plan."  
  
The trio marched to the top floor above Santa. Mario and Luigi threw Wario off, and he fell on top of Santa. Wario beat the man shitless. All the kids and their parents ran off screaming.  
  
"Mario, I think we should go help Wario," Luigi said. He pointed to a group of security guards running through the mall doors.  
  
Mario and Luigi quickly zoomed downstairs. The Santa man, who was unconscious, was in his underwear. Wario had stolen the costume.  
  
"Let's get outta here!!" Wario demanded.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Sneaking back through a window in Mario's bedroom, they ran down to the basement before anyone saw them. The trio was out of breath and all pooped out.  
  
Mario glanced at the clock. "Wow, it's 9pm. I bet dinner's over," he said. "But we have more important matters to deal with."  
  
"That was a quick escape!" Luigi said. He high-fived Mario. "No one can beat the Mario Brothers!"  
  
"Yeah yeah yeah!" Wario said. "Just help me get in this thing!!"  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
It was 11pm, and almost time for everyone to go to bed. Everyone was sleeping in the guest room of Mario and Luigi's house, so it was pretty crammed up.  
  
"I'm surprised Mario, Luigi and Wario didn't return for dinner," Peach said. "I'm worried.."  
  
"They probably went Christmas shopping," Bowser said. "Damn procrastinators."  
  
"We better get to bed. I'm sure all three of them will return by morning," Toad assured everyone.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Midnight fell, and it was almost time for Wario to fall down the chimney. He was dressed in a velvety Santa costume with a fake white beard and a Santa hat.  
  
"Now, let's rehearse your lines one more time," Luigi said.  
  
"Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!" Wario said. "I'm only saying these lines if Baby Mario comes out, you know."  
  
The trio was on top of the roof, and it was pretty cold. They were ready to drop Wario down the chimney.  
  
"So? Am I ready?" Wario said.  
  
"I guess so," Mario said. "I'm sure Baby Mario will escape from his crib and try to look for you. I just want to make him happy."  
  
A tear came to Mario's eye.  
  
"Ahem, anyways, let's try and help Wario down the chimney," Luigi said.  
  
Wario hopped on the chimney rims, and tried to go down, but he got stuck and Mario and Luigi tried to push him down.  
  
"Your fatass won't go down the damned chimney!" Mario mumbled.  
  
Finally with some strength and effort, Wario slid down the chimney and sat on the fire.  
  
"AH MY ASS!" he screamed. There was a dead silence. "Phew, no one heard me..."  
  
As Wario was putting down presents (which he also stole from the mall) under the tree, he heard a voice say, "Santa?"  
  
Wario turned around and saw Baby Mario walking up to him. "I knew you were real," Baby Mario said.  
  
"Ho ho ho! Why, of course I'm real! What kind of naughty, uh, kid told you I was not real?" Wario asked, forgetting his lines.  
  
"Wuigi, Mawio and Wawuigi," Baby Mario said. "And everyone else in the house, I fink."  
  
Wario took a seat on one of the chairs next to tree. He heard a cracking noise as he sat. Certainly this costume put at least ten pounds on him! Wario picked up Baby Mario and put him on his lap.  
  
"Well, tell Luigi and Mario and Waluigi that they can stick a pole up their ass and rotate on it," Wario said. "So, what was that one thing you wanted for Christmas this year? A GI Joe? A Barbie? A Blues Clues puzzle game?"  
  
"Nope, none of that! I just wanted to see you, Santa Claus," Baby Mario said and hugged Wario.  
  
Wario sighed happily. 


End file.
